Random post here that I felt the need to document for safekeeping for the days I’m not feeling positive about change.
- I’ve quit every single thing I’ve ever been addicted to in the last twenty-five years.
- I got married almost 25 years ago and I’m still married.
- I learned how to say I’m sorry and mean it.
- I discovered, for the most part, my purpose in life.
- I found my best friend.
- I grew up.
- I became ultra-responsible.
- I learned humility.
- I also learned I don’t know everything.
- I admitted to myself and others that I’ve made some really bad choices, decisions, and mistakes.
- I haven’t had a traffic ticket in 31 years and knock on wood I’ve never been in an accident where I was driving, but was in a couple while someone else was driving as a teenager.
- I’m a foodie.
- I’m a business owner.
- I finally went to college (eight years and three degrees)
- I advise people on their taxes, estate planning, finances and work as a CPA.
- I speak two languages and I’m working on a third.
- 75% of what I watch is international tv and film with subtitles.
- I’ve had a savings account for fifteen years that I actually deposit money into.
- I’ve managed to not have to take any prescription medication of any kind and I’m almost 55.
- I’ve discovered that I’ve spent my entire life in a reactive state vs. responsive state (I’m working on it).
- I laugh a lot.
- I take care of myself–the biggest change>> I eat 3 healthy meals a day.
- I spend less time being angry.
- I’m not scared of confrontation.
- Quitting isn’t an option.
This list may seem quite random/all over the place concerning things I’ve accomplished or overcome or even skills that I have developed. And for the most part that is true–though the list doesn’t quite tell the whole story. You see twenty-seven/ twenty- eight years ago I was homeless, working as a CNA, in a relationship with an abusive drug addict, and really so close at any given time to become another statistic. I had an eating disorder brought on by years of not eating properly, I was constantly injured at my job and on pain medications, and I survived on 40 oz bottles of beer, cigarettes, and mountain dew. I owned nothing. A few years before that I was in another really bad relationship and was being emotionally and sexually abused regularly. I didn’t own anything then either not even a decent car (even though I had 3 jobs). Mainly because I was helping the person I was with to pay his bills. I also had a spending problem–buying things I didn’t need and lending money to “friends” all the time. I was angry all the time and had been since I was a teenager. I was immature even though I often did very mature things in my life. I was irresponsible even though I took some of my responsibilities seriously. I quit a lot of jobs–and in some cases never even collected my last check because I was scared of confrontations. I refused to go to college, instead opting to get into healthcare. I loved working in healthcare but I never made more than $6.00 an hour until I worked in healthcare management. I suffered six serious back/neck injuries from working in nursing homes that were short-staffed. I refused to commit in either of my relationships and I am so happy about that. I never believed I would ever get married and didn’t until I was 30 years old. I lived like a rock star for twelve years straight. I suffered from severe depression from the time I was 13/14 until my mid-thirties. Learning a new language seemed impossible to me and subtitles really annoyed me twenty years ago. I was once a very reckless person and was often given “passes” when caught driving recklessly or acting irresponsibly, even driving under the influence when I was in my twenties. Not proud of this at all. Twenty-eight years ago I was arrested for writing 3 bad checks for groceries and to help pay my rent. I spent thirty days in jail and I was on probation for two years. Almost ten years ago now I stood in front of a Governor’s board and asked to be pardoned for that crime. If you’ve never had to look into the pardoning process I will sum it up in two words—really hard. I wrote several essays and was able to prove to the Governor’s board I hadn’t had so much as a traffic ticket for over twenty years. I was granted a pardon after I stood up in front of a whole room of people and made my case. I learned true humility and I grew exponentially from that experience ( from arrest-pardon).
So, in closing. Change is good. No matter how much we fear it. Some of the things I changed about myself were really really hard and at times seemed impossible. Some of the things that changed over the years saved me. There are other things that have changed in the last twenty-five years that are not so profound and not entirely positive. But, the good definitely outweighs the bad and that is where I am at today.
Many blessings to all making changes.